It’s unnecessary to that much force
To run to the ground a great horse.
So don’t be a fool,
You can stop, like a mule
If your motives come from the source.
Synopsis: I’m a family practitioner from Sioux City, Iowa. In May 2010, I left my position of 23 years, and honoring my non-compete clause, traveled for a year doing locum tenens work. In June of 2011 I joined up with the Community Health Center, which provides care for the underserved. I’m now working part-time, which, for a doctor, means 48 hours a week.
Even doctors have to have doctors.
I confirmed my appointment with a subspecialist today at 12:45, and I turned to Bethany. “He works through his lunch hour,” I said. “Should I bring him a sandwich or something?”
“I don’t know,” she said, “Are you sure he doesn’t take a late lunch?”
“Yeah, his nurse said he was working through his lunch hour.”
“You can if you want. But is he working for someone else?”
“No,” I said, “He owns his practice.”
“Well, when you were an owner, you did the same thing.”
Of course she was right. “That’s the difference between a horse and a mule,” I said.
A horse has a passion to run, I explained, and riding a good horse hard ranks among the great experiences of life. A mule has none of the fire of a horse, and the best gallop of the best mule deserves the word lackluster; the words plod and mule go well together. Yet most riders can get a horse to run so far and so fast that the horse dies, hence our term, “ran it into the ground.” An overloaded mule cannot be induced to move at all.
Give a horse morphine and the horse will run, give the horse an adequate amount of morphine and he’ll run himself to death even without a rider.
I approach analogies between humans and animals with caution. But making any person, and particularly a doctor, their own boss looks a lot like giving morphine to a horse. They don’t take enough vacation, they work very long, very productive hours, and they tend to burn out.
I wish going onto salary had made me more like a mule. As it is, my drive to work destructively long hours has nothing to do with the money but with the action of the job and my commitment to my colleagues. I do not want to give up the drama and irony of the hospital work, nor the intellectual challenge of having to rub elbows with docs who know more than I do. Nor do I want to stop being part of the team, going the extra mile to lighten the load of the doctor who comes after me.
The problem comes not from the outpatient hours, but from the people who get desperately ill after hours and on weekends, and from our booming expansion. My first two weekend calls last year had a total hospital census in the single digits, but our practice now averages seven hospital admissions per twenty-four hours and our hospital census has gone as high as forty-two.
Yet this last weekend deserves a delicious rating. I started early, finished rounds in good time, lunched and napped and supped, getting into bed before eleven each night. I’m running on the same relaxed euphoria that I did a year ago.
The real question is how hard I’ll let myself get worked.