Sometimes I find a mistake
In the reports that get typed on a break
They’re good for a laugh
A smile and a half,
And I hope the typist’s awake.
The penmanship of doctors lacks legibility. My profession has dictated into machines in order to have readable reports for as long as the machines have existed. Of course the transcriptionists didn’t go to medical school. Most of them took medical terminology courses and own dictionaries.
Sometimes a transcriptionist didn’t get a chance to get used to how the doctor talks. Sometimes the doctor didn’t speak clearly. Sometimes, well, sometimes I find differences between what I said and what they typed.
I chuckle, I make a correction, and, if I got a good chuckle, I save it on my PDA.
I got these from my collection.
Someday, human transcription will give way to computer voice recognition. I don’t know what will be funnier.
I dictated: Much worse with use.
They typed: Much worse with Hughes.
I dictated: Decreased vibratory sense.
They typed: Decreased laboratory sense.
I dictated: Ear problems for three years.
They typed: Air problems for three years.
I dictated: Endogenous urticaria.
They typed: Indigenous urticaria.
I dictated: He had a looser cough last week
They typed: He had a loser cough last week.
I dictated: Piriformis syndrome.
They typed: Performance syndrome.
I dictated: When he ran into a post.
They typed: When he ramped through the post office.
I dictated: Bronchitis and strep throat.
They typed: Brown kitis and strip throat.
I dictated: No blood clots run in the family.
They typed: No blood clots ruin in the family.
I dictated: Had a heart attack.
They typed: Had a hear attack.
I dictated: decent amount.
They typed: recent amount.
I dictated: Urine output is down.
They typed: Amputate is down.
I dictated: Marginally oriented.
They typed: Markedly oriented.
I dictated: we can probably get her trained to use insulin pens.
They typed: we can probably get her trained to use Depends.
I dictated: labor proceeded in a desultory fashion.
They typed: Labor proceeded in a sultry fashion.
I dictated: he was also a truck driver.
They typed: He was also a drunk driver.
I dictated: Vocal cord cancer
They typed: Focal cord cancer.
I dictated: Bronze diabetes.
They typed: Braun’s diabetes
I dictated: Sleep deprivation.
They typed: Sleep depravation.
I dictated: After he spent five hours in a hotel pool.
They typed: After he spent five hours in a hotel pickle.
I dictated: Conservative measures
They typed: Concerns of measures.
I dictated: Drinks a bottle and a half of tequila at a time.
They typed: Drinks a bottle up to cumulative time.
I dictated: He is a retired hospital administrator
They typed: He is a tired hospital administrator.
I dictated: Urosepsis
They typed: Eurosepsis.